I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
