I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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