So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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