can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
