Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I could make wine with my vomit
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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