You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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