I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
