Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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