I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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