If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
