i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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