sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize