I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
