I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
