Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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