she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
