She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize