it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
