Me too!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
