I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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