I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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