the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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