I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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