Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cut my penus on the lid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
