When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
