The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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