Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
