made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
