I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize