this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
