I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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