I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
