i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
