Your tits are I can't wait for
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
