i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
