I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
