I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
