It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
