it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
