Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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