everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was confusing and full of hummus
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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