Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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