We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it's like heaven, but drunker
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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