we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
cat food counts as protein by the way
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
