So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
