She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
