just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
