I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
