It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize