After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
