my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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