Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
