my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
