Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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