Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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