Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
