She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
