just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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