im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
