I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
