3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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