my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
