i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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