names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
